Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Before I discuss the big thing I need to discuss, there are two things that I need to get off my chest immediately. I couldn’t possibly go forward with this entry without clearing my mind of these thoughts first.
1) Sometimes life is funny. Sometimes it is absurd. Sometimes Monica Lewinsky ends up as the host of a television show called Mr. Personality. Truth is, I hate every being of HER personality so much that I wish she was the one wearing a mask. I wish I didn’t even have to blog about her. She doesn’t deserve the space I have to offer. But after her ranting and raving on last night’s episode, I thought that it was only fair that I write a short paragraph about why she deserves to never EVER be on television again. First off, she sucks. Literally. Bitch is internationally known for having presidential jizz on both her mouth and her clothing. Whatever opinion anyone has on this subject, the truth remains…she is a worldwide jizz eater. Second, you have entertainment talent?? I mean WHAAA?? Most hosts of reality television have no talent as a rule, but Monica…Monica seriously shouldn’t even be allowed to get a headshot. Why WOULD SHE? She’s a jizz eater. Not an entertainer. Thirdly, as I sit and watch Monica Doublechinsky talk to the other members of the show, I am appalled at her lack of interesting things to say, but mostly at her lack of class when addressing the suitors. When one of the contestants quit due to the “pressure of the game” (FUCKING LAME!!), Monica FREAKS out and gives the whole group the most annoying and condescending lecture on being a “man”. “We have rules, people, and you must follow them. If you don’t want to be a part of this process anymore, be a MAN and wait until the selection has made.”
And lastly (fourthly), she takes herself so fucking seriously that I can’t possibly hold down my anger laden vomit. When she does anything, but stand there statuesque, I find myself scraping my fingers down the side of my face.
MY GOD I HATE THIS WOMAN. Mostly because…GET THE FUCK OFF THE TELEVISION! You aren’t an actress! You are someone who was made famous because of nonsense. Now wipe your mouth and go back to your cave.
2) I happened to catch the “E(!) True Hollywood Story” of my one and only love, Nell Carter, this weekend. Not much of the special shook me up, but then during the last two minutes of the show, they throw in a HUGE secret. Nell Carter is a lesbian? Lesbiawhaaaaaa??? WHO KNEW! Surely not me. And I AM a lesbian. I don’t get it. Why are some people tortured for their sexuality and some people are just left alone? Nell had a very difficult life and I am not saying that she should have been tortured. But how did it slip by me that she was lesbionic. I still sit here shocked and am a little upset that she didn’t tell me about it when she was still alive. Nellie…oh Nellie. Had I only known who you truly were when you were still alive. Sadness fills my heart.
Ok…I feel much better now. Is it wrong to say that I wish Nell Carter was alive right now instead of Monica Lewinsky?
Yes Joe. Yes, that is wrong to say.
Last night Paul and I did something that we haven’t done in months! We hooked up!
UM! I KNOW!
See, this is how it all went down…
Paul and I begin watching The Simpsons at 6:30pm. We are getting along wonderfully; laughing, hugging, playing “who can stand the longest pinch”. I called my “Pot Guy” because Paul was in the mood to smoke a fatty joint with me. I wasn’t much in the mood for getting the pot, but was trying to be as amiable as possible. As we were joking around, I happened to notice that he was sporting a pretty hefty boner. I thought “Now’s my chance. I can use this opportunity to get us over the weirdness of starting back in with our long lost physical relationship.” I gently began playing with his dick, wondering if he was going to pull away from me, as he does every time I begin to turn the moment sensual. It indeed was the right moment.
Here is what happened next:
Joe: (fingering the shaft of his cock) “Can I kiss you?”
Paul: “I don’t know if we should do this.”
Joe: “Can I kiss you?”
Paul: “Ok.”
Joe: (Begins to kiss Paul lightly on the lips, all the while playing with his cock and balls)
Paul: (Kisses back, but body language indicates that he is nervous and uncomfortable)
Eventually, the moment escalated to my kissing him down his chest, onto his stomach, and then to his boxer briefs. I begin nibbling on the outside of the cloth and he relaxed. He gave in to me. I stripped off his boxers and began giving him the most amazing blow job that I could give. He started breathing heavier and faster and I began going to town. I wasn’t at all worried about pleasing me. My hope was to get our relationship back on track. Having not been intimate with him over the last two-three months has certainly placed us in a very awkward position in our relationship. As I am about to get him off, the phone rings.
The “Pot Guy”.
I groan and pick up the phone and tell him where to meet up with me. Paul immediately stands up and says:
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
My jaw hit the floor. I stood there, not knowing whether to cry, or to punch him in the face. I slowly put on my shoes, grabbed the money, and head out the door. During the entire walk to and from meeting up with “Pot Guy”, I kept running his comments over and over in my head.
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
By the time I got back to the apartment, I was fuming angry. I walk in and sit down on his bed, next to him. I sit quietly staring at the television.
Paul: “What’s wrong?”
Joe: “Nothing’s wrong.”
Paul: “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Joe: “Paul, what do you THINK is bothering me?”
Paul: “Ok. I shouldn’t have said what I did before you left the apartment. It was wrong of me.”
Joe: “Yes it was wrong of you. I feel so embarrassed and betrayed by you. You are making no effort to improve this aspect of our relationship. At this point, we say we are “in love”, but if we don’t start “making love” soon, we are done. I am not going to spend my time trying to make my boyfriend want me when he has no interest in it.”
Paul: “I do want you. I just don’t know how to get back to the place that we were at before everything went wrong.”
Joe: “Everything didn’t go wrong. You just gave up. I am 25 years old Paul and I get hit on DAILY by people. Do you think that I have no libido at all and just don’t care about being intimate with people? Cuz if that’s what you think, then you are sorely mistaken. Paul…I am going to cheat on you. I am. We fix this or you come to grips with the fact that the next time an attractive male hits on me, which will be SOON, I am going to take him up on the offer, and I am not going to feel bad about it. I have tried with you over and over to help in whatever way I can. But it’s not working and all you do in reciprocation is shut me down and make me feel bad. I am done.”
Paul sits on the bed staring at me for awhile and eventually puts his hand on my leg.
Paul: “I want to work on this with you. I need to take this slow. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want right now.”
Joe: “As long as you understand the point I am trying to make.”
I laid next to him on the bed and we began to kiss and touch again. Our cocks sprang to attention and we cautiously played with each other’s members. (members = lame term for COCKS) As we began to hook up again, I felt him start to pull back.
Joe: “You said you wanted to take this slow, so let’s just each masturbate. We can do it together and we can make it casual and easy.”
Paul: “Ok. I would like to do that.”
Joe: “Can we kiss while we do it?”
Paul: “Yes.”
And that we did. We came together for the first time in months last night. He was very happy with the way things turned out and I pretended that I was to. When I was in the bathroom cleaning up, tears pricked at my eyes. I wasn’t as happy with the outcome as he was. It’s a first step and it will hopefully get better from here. But if it doesn’t… If it doesn’t, than Paul and I are going to have to have another talk about his willingness to participate in our relationship.
All in all, it was a step in the right direction.
Too bad Monica Lewinsky had to go and ruin everything when she showed her fat head on my television.
1) Sometimes life is funny. Sometimes it is absurd. Sometimes Monica Lewinsky ends up as the host of a television show called Mr. Personality. Truth is, I hate every being of HER personality so much that I wish she was the one wearing a mask. I wish I didn’t even have to blog about her. She doesn’t deserve the space I have to offer. But after her ranting and raving on last night’s episode, I thought that it was only fair that I write a short paragraph about why she deserves to never EVER be on television again. First off, she sucks. Literally. Bitch is internationally known for having presidential jizz on both her mouth and her clothing. Whatever opinion anyone has on this subject, the truth remains…she is a worldwide jizz eater. Second, you have entertainment talent?? I mean WHAAA?? Most hosts of reality television have no talent as a rule, but Monica…Monica seriously shouldn’t even be allowed to get a headshot. Why WOULD SHE? She’s a jizz eater. Not an entertainer. Thirdly, as I sit and watch Monica Doublechinsky talk to the other members of the show, I am appalled at her lack of interesting things to say, but mostly at her lack of class when addressing the suitors. When one of the contestants quit due to the “pressure of the game” (FUCKING LAME!!), Monica FREAKS out and gives the whole group the most annoying and condescending lecture on being a “man”. “We have rules, people, and you must follow them. If you don’t want to be a part of this process anymore, be a MAN and wait until the selection has made.”
And lastly (fourthly), she takes herself so fucking seriously that I can’t possibly hold down my anger laden vomit. When she does anything, but stand there statuesque, I find myself scraping my fingers down the side of my face.
MY GOD I HATE THIS WOMAN. Mostly because…GET THE FUCK OFF THE TELEVISION! You aren’t an actress! You are someone who was made famous because of nonsense. Now wipe your mouth and go back to your cave.
2) I happened to catch the “E(!) True Hollywood Story” of my one and only love, Nell Carter, this weekend. Not much of the special shook me up, but then during the last two minutes of the show, they throw in a HUGE secret. Nell Carter is a lesbian? Lesbiawhaaaaaa??? WHO KNEW! Surely not me. And I AM a lesbian. I don’t get it. Why are some people tortured for their sexuality and some people are just left alone? Nell had a very difficult life and I am not saying that she should have been tortured. But how did it slip by me that she was lesbionic. I still sit here shocked and am a little upset that she didn’t tell me about it when she was still alive. Nellie…oh Nellie. Had I only known who you truly were when you were still alive. Sadness fills my heart.
Ok…I feel much better now. Is it wrong to say that I wish Nell Carter was alive right now instead of Monica Lewinsky?
Yes Joe. Yes, that is wrong to say.
Last night Paul and I did something that we haven’t done in months! We hooked up!
UM! I KNOW!
See, this is how it all went down…
Paul and I begin watching The Simpsons at 6:30pm. We are getting along wonderfully; laughing, hugging, playing “who can stand the longest pinch”. I called my “Pot Guy” because Paul was in the mood to smoke a fatty joint with me. I wasn’t much in the mood for getting the pot, but was trying to be as amiable as possible. As we were joking around, I happened to notice that he was sporting a pretty hefty boner. I thought “Now’s my chance. I can use this opportunity to get us over the weirdness of starting back in with our long lost physical relationship.” I gently began playing with his dick, wondering if he was going to pull away from me, as he does every time I begin to turn the moment sensual. It indeed was the right moment.
Here is what happened next:
Joe: (fingering the shaft of his cock) “Can I kiss you?”
Paul: “I don’t know if we should do this.”
Joe: “Can I kiss you?”
Paul: “Ok.”
Joe: (Begins to kiss Paul lightly on the lips, all the while playing with his cock and balls)
Paul: (Kisses back, but body language indicates that he is nervous and uncomfortable)
Eventually, the moment escalated to my kissing him down his chest, onto his stomach, and then to his boxer briefs. I begin nibbling on the outside of the cloth and he relaxed. He gave in to me. I stripped off his boxers and began giving him the most amazing blow job that I could give. He started breathing heavier and faster and I began going to town. I wasn’t at all worried about pleasing me. My hope was to get our relationship back on track. Having not been intimate with him over the last two-three months has certainly placed us in a very awkward position in our relationship. As I am about to get him off, the phone rings.
The “Pot Guy”.
I groan and pick up the phone and tell him where to meet up with me. Paul immediately stands up and says:
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
My jaw hit the floor. I stood there, not knowing whether to cry, or to punch him in the face. I slowly put on my shoes, grabbed the money, and head out the door. During the entire walk to and from meeting up with “Pot Guy”, I kept running his comments over and over in my head.
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
“Well that was that. And when you get back, I won’t be horny anymore. So we’re done for today.”
By the time I got back to the apartment, I was fuming angry. I walk in and sit down on his bed, next to him. I sit quietly staring at the television.
Paul: “What’s wrong?”
Joe: “Nothing’s wrong.”
Paul: “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Joe: “Paul, what do you THINK is bothering me?”
Paul: “Ok. I shouldn’t have said what I did before you left the apartment. It was wrong of me.”
Joe: “Yes it was wrong of you. I feel so embarrassed and betrayed by you. You are making no effort to improve this aspect of our relationship. At this point, we say we are “in love”, but if we don’t start “making love” soon, we are done. I am not going to spend my time trying to make my boyfriend want me when he has no interest in it.”
Paul: “I do want you. I just don’t know how to get back to the place that we were at before everything went wrong.”
Joe: “Everything didn’t go wrong. You just gave up. I am 25 years old Paul and I get hit on DAILY by people. Do you think that I have no libido at all and just don’t care about being intimate with people? Cuz if that’s what you think, then you are sorely mistaken. Paul…I am going to cheat on you. I am. We fix this or you come to grips with the fact that the next time an attractive male hits on me, which will be SOON, I am going to take him up on the offer, and I am not going to feel bad about it. I have tried with you over and over to help in whatever way I can. But it’s not working and all you do in reciprocation is shut me down and make me feel bad. I am done.”
Paul sits on the bed staring at me for awhile and eventually puts his hand on my leg.
Paul: “I want to work on this with you. I need to take this slow. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want right now.”
Joe: “As long as you understand the point I am trying to make.”
I laid next to him on the bed and we began to kiss and touch again. Our cocks sprang to attention and we cautiously played with each other’s members. (members = lame term for COCKS) As we began to hook up again, I felt him start to pull back.
Joe: “You said you wanted to take this slow, so let’s just each masturbate. We can do it together and we can make it casual and easy.”
Paul: “Ok. I would like to do that.”
Joe: “Can we kiss while we do it?”
Paul: “Yes.”
And that we did. We came together for the first time in months last night. He was very happy with the way things turned out and I pretended that I was to. When I was in the bathroom cleaning up, tears pricked at my eyes. I wasn’t as happy with the outcome as he was. It’s a first step and it will hopefully get better from here. But if it doesn’t… If it doesn’t, than Paul and I are going to have to have another talk about his willingness to participate in our relationship.
All in all, it was a step in the right direction.
Too bad Monica Lewinsky had to go and ruin everything when she showed her fat head on my television.
